The last few weeks of my life have felt like … like someone shoved parts of me into a big fat blender and every time I’ve started feelin’ a bit better, someone pushes that damn pulse button and everything just ends up crap.

It’s been a real eye opener…

• Love doesn’t always win in the end …
• What you think of as rock bottom, others think of as the way they live their life …
• People can tell you that you’re “so different” (in a positive way) — Until they get used to the things you do for them — Then they’ll take you for granted and make you feel like a piece of trash for being good to them…
• People that really need help rebel against it — they make you the enemy because your help causes them to see the side of themselves that they’re desperately trying conceal…
• Concern for someones wellbeing is warped into an attempt to control their lives.

I’ve learned a lot about the different types alcoholism … I’ve always understood the daily-drinker-type alcoholic, but I never realized that the binge drinker isn’t just someone that has a drinking problem, rather they’re an alcoholic that doesn’t have to drink every day.

My views on smoking pot have changed a lot as well … I’ve always taken a pretty lax view of marijuana … But I know different now. Many people don’t see what the big deal is. It’s just pot. But really, is it?

Plenty of people I know smoke pot regularly, some daily, but I never paid attention to the damage it does; Maybe I chose not to see. Smart people get dumber, responsible people numb themselves to their own realities … They don’t usually see the downhill they’re on, but if you observe them over a long period of time, you see just how much they’re damaging themselves and the people that care about them.  Many of them even convince themselves that the pot is what keeps them level.

“Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well-preserved body — but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, ‘Wow, what a ride!’”

I see that quote a lot … It makes me sad, because I think way too many people have decided  to use it in the context of life being a big party — Romanticizing their every-day-is-a-party lifestyle and the hangovers that destroy them on a regular basis.  Is it really a wild ride if you can’t remember half of it?

Although I don’t know who the author is, I’d like to think they actually meant you should live life to it’s fullest, experience everything, take risks, do the unexpected and have fun achieving everything you can, while  you can.  It’ll wear you out, but at least you’ll have something  other than a bar tab to show for it.

I refuse to live life without a purpose;  a life without real goals.  I won’t live another day as a sequence of semi-random events that fill the time between waking up and  going to sleep.   I can’t imagine spending another moment of my life without purpose and I won’t waste any time on people that hinder, even if they say they want to help.

I’m building my new roller coaster…