I’ve been in a relationship for the past few months and things have been going great.  We have a great time together and seem to be able to just be ourselves when we hang out.   We’ve even got to the point of discussing the future together.  Marrige, havin’ a kid … you know, just the kind of thing two people that love each other and wanna move on to the next step together would be talkin’ about…

I never really thought I’d find love again.  As you can view from my previous blog entries over the years — things just never seem to work out.  I’m not sure if it’s been the girls I pick that end up being just generally ‘wrong’ for me, or if it’s me destroying something everytime.  I know that usually there’s just not been enough for me to want to continue a relationship beyond a certain point.

So, anyway — for those of you thinking this is some sort of happy ending story, I don’t know that you’ll get that.  See… Something happened.  I don’t know what … Can’t place my finger on it … But something happened and suddenly, almost overnight, our relationship has been turned upside fuckin’ down.  I dunno if it’s over yet – but I can’t seem to get any real words out of her.

She’s completly freaked out — She has a lot of stress in her life, mostly financial, and that’s been taking a toll on her, but I’m now in a position where I can help her — we can work like a family and solve a lot of problems.  But suddenly, as that option started becoming a reality, it seems she’s bolting.  Running like the fuckin’ wind going nowhere good.

I’m in such a living hell right now — dying inside — unable to focus on anything — work is like torture, the minute I start getting something done, her face pops into my mind and I just can’t function.

Someone fuckin’ save me before I loose my goddamn mind!

So yeah, I’ve been a bit silent recently. Lot going on, but no motivation to write about it.

Can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t think …

Cheers to caffeine, nicotine and gasoline.

Be back as soon as I get my head outta my ass and get over this shit …

The Fortwo is only 8.8′ long — the downside is it’ll only go about 90MPH. Fast enough, I suppose.

I’ve been hangin’ out at a random bar in the middle of nowhere with “capital c” — nothing special, just a close-to-her-place with a pool table and minimal traffic kinda place.

So Tonight, we slip in for a few beers and up walks some blond woman like she knows me.

Turns out that this woman is the new owner of the bar … the new owner thats also a client of mine … the client that I’ve been helping with the purchase of a bar … the very same bar that I’m drinking in …

How goddamn fuckin’ nuts is that? I’ve only been hangin’ out at this place for a month or so … And I’ve only been working with this client for a month or so … Two totally random things connecting two totaly random worlds.

I think this is the first time in my life I’ve spent more money on getting around to get drunk than I spent on getting drunk. I’m pretty sure I could have jumped a jet to Vegas for less.

Ah, the price we pay for having a good time and staying out of jail. A really good time.

Well, I’m the last person on the planet that wants to legally force myspace.com to be more responsible for what happens there, but Pamela Rogers is just one of the many reasons I wish they would take a more proactive approach toward keeping kids safe.

But really, I can’t blame you — I am in fact an idiot for thinking people change. I gave you credit that you didn’t deserve and it came back to bite me in the sack.

I really thought I’d be a bit more upset about this final bit of betrayal … Maybe I am and I’m just not letting it all out, or perhaps I’ve watched you decieve for so long I’m just a bit more mentally prepared than anticipated. I figured, at the very least, I’d want to say something hurtful but this is just about all the hurtful I can muster up right now.

Your concepts of love and honesty are fucked — beyond repair I’m afraid. I hope you grow up to learn what it is to be an adult some day.

Fuck you for proving me right.

Yes … It’s true. Al-Zarqawi is dead.