Sorry all — AB is going through a bit of a mental break right now … suffering from a serious case of sad.

Can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t think …

Cheers to caffeine, nicotine and gasoline.

Be back as soon as I get my head outta my ass and get over this shit …

NiN Love!

I love this track — hell, I love the whole album.

Feel free to share this vid: Just click the share button in the video player, then the embed option, and copy and paste that code to your site or mySpace profile. Enjoy!

Wow, what a fuckin’ night …

I’m helpin the folks out — bartending at the resort.  We’re having a “reunion show” for a band that used to play here back when I was 15 years old…

Little did I know that 350 people would show up…

The first 3 hours … Well, I couldn’t tell ya much about them.  I was too busy filling 15-drink orders from 3 girls while I was trying to pay attention to the 20-30 people ordering drinks at the bar.  Fuckin’ bedlam — I seriously didn’t even realize the band was playing ’til they were half way through their second set.

Once I got into the rythm of things, I realized there was an insane world of activity going on around me … Even managed to jump over the bar and get between a couple of guys gettin’ ready to throw down, before it actually happened… But there really was a solid couple of hours where I became a drink making machine — Nothing but pour, pour, pour …

8 hours and, nearly $4000 in drink sales later, I’m sittin’ here chatting with Capital “R” trying to get a grasp on what had just happened…  By my figures, I opened over 500 beers and mixed just as many drinks …  All the while, not drinking a single ounce of alcohol … Well, ’til It was 30 minutes to closing.  Then I finally let myself crack open my first beer — for me.

Ah, fuckit — so much more to talk about right not… but the dogs are barkin’ … it’s 3 hours past closing time and I am SPENT!  Maybe I’ll post a more accurate rundown in the morning (afternoon) …

G’Night all!

P.S. — If you ain’t the staff and if you ain’t fuckin’ the staff — go the fuck home.

The last few weeks of my life have felt like … like someone shoved parts of me into a big fat blender and every time I’ve started feelin’ a bit better, someone pushes that damn pulse button and everything just ends up crap.

It’s been a real eye opener…

• Love doesn’t always win in the end …
• What you think of as rock bottom, others think of as the way they live their life …
• People can tell you that you’re “so different” (in a positive way) — Until they get used to the things you do for them — Then they’ll take you for granted and make you feel like a piece of trash for being good to them…
• People that really need help rebel against it — they make you the enemy because your help causes them to see the side of themselves that they’re desperately trying conceal…
• Concern for someones wellbeing is warped into an attempt to control their lives.

I’ve learned a lot about the different types alcoholism … I’ve always understood the daily-drinker-type alcoholic, but I never realized that the binge drinker isn’t just someone that has a drinking problem, rather they’re an alcoholic that doesn’t have to drink every day.

My views on smoking pot have changed a lot as well … I’ve always taken a pretty lax view of marijuana … But I know different now. Many people don’t see what the big deal is. It’s just pot. But really, is it?

Plenty of people I know smoke pot regularly, some daily, but I never paid attention to the damage it does; Maybe I chose not to see. Smart people get dumber, responsible people numb themselves to their own realities … They don’t usually see the downhill they’re on, but if you observe them over a long period of time, you see just how much they’re damaging themselves and the people that care about them.  Many of them even convince themselves that the pot is what keeps them level.

“Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well-preserved body — but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, ‘Wow, what a ride!’”

I see that quote a lot … It makes me sad, because I think way too many people have decided  to use it in the context of life being a big party — Romanticizing their every-day-is-a-party lifestyle and the hangovers that destroy them on a regular basis.  Is it really a wild ride if you can’t remember half of it?

Although I don’t know who the author is, I’d like to think they actually meant you should live life to it’s fullest, experience everything, take risks, do the unexpected and have fun achieving everything you can, while  you can.  It’ll wear you out, but at least you’ll have something  other than a bar tab to show for it.

I refuse to live life without a purpose;  a life without real goals.  I won’t live another day as a sequence of semi-random events that fill the time between waking up and  going to sleep.   I can’t imagine spending another moment of my life without purpose and I won’t waste any time on people that hinder, even if they say they want to help.

I’m building my new roller coaster…

Yes, thats right — the letter ‘N’.

The ‘N’ Key on this POS laptop fell off a few days back … So, dear letter ‘N’ … Fuck you for falling off.  Fuck you for making it so hard to do simple things … Like type any word with an ‘N’ in it.

I never noticed how many words use the ‘N’ until it fell off … There really are many of them.

You may wonder why I’m going on about the letter ‘N’ — it’s quite simple really … The only other thing I feel like writing about would require that I empty an amazing amount of hate that I’m holding close to my heart right now.  I’m gonna hold on to that hate as a reminder of the pain that caused it.

Have I mentioned how much I love motorcycles?  Well, I really do!

Once upon a time, when things were real shitty and I was feelin’ down, I’d hop in the Talon, roll down all the windows, open up the sunroof and drive…  I’d drive for hours, getting lost, not caring …

Now the Talon has been replaced by a friends Shadow 1100 — no need to roll down the windows; there are none.  Nothing but the sound of the wind and the adrenaline rush …

Things have gone all upside down and backwards over the past couple weeks.  I haven’t posted much because of it.  Seems that all things bad have a theme this time:  Alcohol.

Frankly, I’m ashamed to admit that my family is in the booze peddling business…  I guess in theory I don’t have anything against alcohol.  It’s the alcohol abuse I’ve got a problem with.  I’m sick of watching people fuck up their lives … It’s sad.

On a good note — I just had the worlds best Singapore Noodles.  Singapore Noodles make me smile.